I can get stuck in a rut of shame and self-loathing and then I can convince myself that there is something pious and rewarding about that sort of self-regard (or lack thereof) as if God is pleased when I hate myself and berate myself continually for the things I have done or failed to do. This is beyond the conviction of the Holy Spirit, but is rather more akin to the accusatory cries of God’s enemy, who we know never grows hoarse from hurling those accusations day and night.

Memory in the Hebrew tradition isn’t simply a recall of an event. Rather, it is a revisitation, a reliving of what went before. It was part of the way that a largely oral tradition kept a record of a people with a unique origin story alive. Feasts and festivals and gatherings were ways to revisit memories, and to recall the goodness and faithfulness of God across generations. David asks the LORD to revisit his covenantal faithfulness and in so doing to act on his behalf as a recipient of that faithfulness.

Now is the time for us to really listen to the complex stories and to get to know the hurting image bearers who face what seem like impossible decisions, and to lean into those stories with grace, and love, and help, in humility. Oh how beautiful the church could be in this moment!

Sometimes we just need a reminder of who is with us. When life beats us up, and when failure abounds, and when we are too scared and too ashamed to ski down the hill to face our own weak failures, then we too need to remember God’s Spirit has been promised to the church, and that He remains in our midst, which means we are never alone, and we never have truly justifiable reason for unbridled fear.

Next year though, just you wait and see. I am going to be a whole new person. A person who does Iron Man races and doesn’t just watch Ironman movies. I am going to learn Spanish and maybe some Mandarin, and I am going to write poetry, and memorize Scripture, and cook pastries, and journal regularly (maybe even in Spanish), and avoid carbs (even after cooking said pastries), and drink gallons of water, and stay off coffee, and … well … you get the point. I have aspirations to be a much better version of myself, a version that is considerably more godly and more disciplined than my current iteration. In the meanwhile, though, I will either just pretend, or I will push into the incredible and scandalous grace that is available for a sinner like me.