The One About Thunderclaps, Hypochondria, and Living in Denial
This post is copied from a weekly letter that I write to my congregation at The Austin Stone. You can find a collection of those letters here.
Dear Church Family
I am well aware that I don’t have the most robust of constitutions when it comes to feeling sick or facing illness. I have an altogether unattractive tendency to think that any and all maladies are most likely imminently fatal. That being said, I genuinely thought that my time on this planet was coming to an end last Thursday. I experienced what doctors ominously refer to as a “thunderclap headache.” Let me just say … it is appropriately named. It came out of nowhere and led to a couple of minutes of the most intense pain I have ever experienced in my life. It is amazing what goes through your mind when it feels like your brain is trying to come out of your nose.
I thought about Sue, and all the things I wanted to tell her.
I thought about my kids, and all the blessing I still wanted to speak over them.
I thought about Jesus, and if I really felt ready to meet Him.
I thought about a life of physical consequences from what I was persuaded was a significant neurological incident.
After getting what the doctor called a cocktail of meds at the ER (I was deeply disappointed to note that no cocktails were involved) and being scanned by some incredibly impressive (and no doubt expensive) machinery, I had some time to think it all through. What came to my mind was Romans 14, where Paul (in an ongoing argument about church unity) says something so remarkable and so free.
He says,
7 For none of us lives for himself, and no one dies for himself. 8 If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. -- Ro 14:7–8.
If I live, it’s for God, so am I living for God? If I die, I die in the Lord, so why would I fear that outcome?
We don’t ultimately get to decide what comes across our path, and so the only logical conclusion is to live in the most free and safe way possible … as one belonging to the Lord.
Paul goes on to say that it therefore doesn’t make sense to live with fractured relationships where we stand in judgment over each other. All of us will stand before the judgment seat of Christ, and here’s the thing … none of us know when that will be, but none of us will be throwing accusations at anyone else. That much is clear.
So keep short accounts. Drop the grudge. Release the anger. Worship the Lord with your whole heart. Live for God, so you might die for Him too.
You will be pleased and undoubtedly unsurprised to discover that I am actually fine. I have had a low grade migraine for the best part of a week but the scans and bloods were clean. I am painfully aware that none of us have a guarantee of that as an outcome, though. The Lord gave me a loving reminder to stop living in denial of my own mortality. I hope to make the most of it.
The music this week is an absolute banger. It is John Bellion’s version of an old Switchfoot song. Enjoy, and maybe have some tissues ready.
Switchfoot - Meant To Live (Jon Bellion Version) [Official Music Video]
See you soon.
Ross
